


If I Have Not Love

by singmetosleep (ohmyheichou)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Fix-It of Sorts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2018-12-30 15:43:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12111954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmyheichou/pseuds/singmetosleep
Summary: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.-Naruto had faith in Sasuke. Sakura had hope.Blind faith, and a fool's hope - ultimately useless.Sasuke forgot how to love, because no one showed him how.-In which an OC reminds Sasuke that hate isn't everything, because everybody else sucked at that job. She also terrorizes Kakashi, because why not?





	1. Chapter 1

Kakashi thinks of trying to kill his student just once.

Sasuke introduces himself and says, “My ambition is to kill a certain man.”

And Kakashi remembers -

_Sakura, mangled._

_Naruto, screaming with rage._

_Sai, blank as always._

_Yamato, dead._

\- that same voice saying “I will destroy Konoha.”

And for a moment he seriously thinks of killing his student.

It would solve so many problems.

 

* * *

 

He doesn’t do it, of course, because he still has enough sense to realize that killing a fresh Academy graduate (the last Uchiha, no less!) in the _middle of the village_ would perhaps not go over well.

Instead, he gives them his sensei’s test, half expecting them to fail, despite the fact that they had passed before. Everything is as he remembers - Naruto’s complete lack of stealth, Sasuke’s surprising-and-yet-not use of ninjutsu beyond Academy level, and Sakura’s shrill screams as he shows her a cruel genjutsu.

Last time, he had showed her a vision of Sasuke dying. This time, he shows her Sasuke as _he_ thinks of him - cold, bloody eyes shining with hatred, the power to end lives in his hands. This time, Sakura sees Sasuke try to kill her. He wants her to stay far, far away from Sasuke, and he needs it to happen fast, before Sasuke has an opportunity to betray them.

They fail to get the bells, of course, and he leaves Naruto tied up, just because, before settling into a tree to watch them.

For one thing, he has forgotten how exactly they passed. He watches and waits for Naruto to pleasantly surprise him once more. But - oh. He’d forgotten. It’s Sasuke.

Sasuke is the one who first feeds Naruto, the one who reaches out.

In this moment, he hates himself with a passion. Sasuke had grown cruel and hateful, yes, but still - he should not have forgotten Sasuke as he was now. A broken child who clung to dreams of power because that was all he had. He had seen himself in Sasuke, once. He remembers now.

They pass.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura is the first to meet the strange girl in the woods.

Time passes. Team 7 does any number of D-Ranks, and Kakashi takes special glee in assigning Tora to them. Sasuke hates it, of course, but Naruto is the one who demands a C-Rank. Kakashi had hoped to avoid the mission to Wave, but he decides to take it since Naruto’s made such a fuss about it. And who knows, maybe Sasuke will actually get killed this time. One can only hope.

The mission goes as he remembers. They encounter the Demon Brothers. Sasuke acquits himself well, to the shame and jealousy of Naruto. Tazuna coughs up his sob story and they - Naruto, especially - want to help. He fights Zabuza, and even though he knows the hunter nin is actually Haku, he’s too weak to stop him from being taken away.

 

* * *

 

Sakura is the first to meet the strange girl in the woods.

She’s practicing running up and down trees using her chakra when a voice says, “Why don’t you help your teammates?”

Startled, she looks up and sees a girl, sitting on a branch and swinging her legs. “Excuse me?”

“I said, why don’t you help your teammates? You obviously know what you’re doing.”

A little taken aback, she says, “Ah, well, Sasuke-kun doesn’t want my help.”

Still swinging her legs, the girl cocks her head at Sakura and asks, “Well, what about the other one?”

 _‘Because he’s an idiot and I don’t like him,’_ is what Sakura thinks, but when she opens her mouth, what comes out is, “I...don’t know.” 

The girl jumps down gracefully, and leans into Sakura’s space, forcing her to lean back a little in turn. The girl studies her face a bit, then laughs and says, “It’s okay if you just don’t want to help him, you know. I don’t particularly care for my teammates either.” Sakura has nothing to say to that, but it doesn’t seem to matter, because the girl waves lazily before disappearing into the forest.

Sakura isn’t sure how she feels about the whole thing.

 

* * *

 

Sasuke decides to a break from training, since Naruto-the-idiot had run off into the woods a while back and never come back. He’s just sat down when someone calls, “Are you Sasuke-kun?” With a jolt, he spins and sends kunai in the direction of the voice. A girl who could be his cousin dodges and frowns at him. “It’s kinda rude to just attack someone like that, don’t you think?”

Annoyed, he says, “Well, it’s kinda rude to just sneak up on someone like that, _don’t you think?_ ”

She just rolls her eyes at him and says, “Don’t get so huffy. I wasn’t sneaking around. Just taking a stroll around the forest. I’m bored, you know?”

This seems like a spectacularly stupid reason to go around bothering shinobi to Sasuke, and he says as much. Unfazed, the girl nods thoughtfully and then asks, “So...why did you become a ninja?”

Sasuke can feel his eye twitch. What is this? Is she trying to make small talk? Who even is she? How is this her idea of small talk? He says flatly,  “I am an Uchiha. We are an ancient shinobi clan. I was always going to become a ninja.”

The girl shrugs at him. “That's cool and all, but I wanted to know your philosophy on why you fight. My friend has this weird idea that shinobi are just tools, but I think that's ignoring the fact that we're human. Also, we both agree that love makes you strong, so I don't know why he's going on about tools.”

His jaw clenches almost against his will. _Love. As though that would matter against someone like Itachi._ Stiffly, he replies, ”I am training so that I may avenge my clan. _Hate_ is what makes me strong.”

He expects her to be disturbed by his answer and run off, or maybe to give him a lecture about how hate would get you nowhere the way Inoichi often did in his therapy sessions. He doesn't expect the way her gaze grows distant, as though she is seeing something beyond him. “Yeah, hate can make you strong.” She focuses on him again. “But hate and love are two sides of the same coin. They can both make you strong.”

Sasuke is a bit shocked by this statement. He has lived for nothing but revenge since That Night, and he has come this far by stoking the ever present burn of his hatred. He can't imagine becoming powerful based on love. He has forgotten what it is like to have love. He thinks of his mother, the way she always packed him tomatoes in his bento because they were his favorite; of his father, and of how he had burned his lips trying to master the Gogakyuu in a bid to gain his approval; even of Itachi, the quiet voice with which he would correct Sasuke’s mistakes. Yes, he does think that love could have made him strong. But that is no longer an option for him.

He looks up to tell her as much, but she's gone. He scowls. She didn't even have the decency to tell him her name. Also, how the _fuck_ did she know who he was?

 

* * *

 

Kakashi’s fight against Zabuza is not going well. He had been training, of course, but his chakra control was shot to hell by his little time traveling stunt. He had very nearly died in his last battle against Zabuza. Even so, he is going to fight tooth and nail to protect his genin. Except maybe Sasuke. He wasn’t particularly invested in that boy’s survival.

Zabuza’s voice echos in the mist, doubtless taunting Kakashi again. Kakashi is a little tired of it. This is one detail he had forgotten about this battle, and one he was happy to forget. Silent killer his ass.

He senses another chakra signature approaching, and he tenses. He doesn’t think he would have forgotten a third fighter, but that wouldn’t be the first mistake he’s made since coming back.

A voice sings, “Zabuza!” 

“What, brat? Can’t you see I’m in the middle of a fight here?”

“Mou, so mean. I just thought I’d tell you that Gato is an asshole who doesn’t plan on paying you. In fact, he’s heading over here with a bunch of thugs to kill you after you’ve conveniently defeated the famous Copy-Nin.”

“What?”

“Did I stutter? Gato’s an asshole, like I’ve been saying.”

The mist clears, revealing a girl next to Zabuza, who announces, “Well, fuck that. Haku, change of plans. We’re going to kill Gato and take his money.”

The girl cheers and says, “Yes! Finally something fun!”

Kakashi is rather bewildered at this point. He does not, however, miss the way the girl’s eyes swirl into red, nor does he miss the stifled gasp from Sasuke beside him. She and Zabuza carve up Gato’s thugs, while Fake Hunter Nin Haku stands to the side and gets splattered by blood. Kakashi might have admired their technique, if he wasn’t so busy being flabbergasted by the existence of another Uchiha.

He scowls under his mask. She is clearly just as insane as the other two - no, three - so he isn’t exactly thrilled about this. He’s going to have to try to bring her back to Konoha, which is another thing he isn’t thrilled about. Fuck his life.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi has to explain how he ended up bringing back two missing-nin to Konoha.

The Sandaime Hokage sits at his desk, smoking his pipe. Kakashi stands at attention and waits for him to speak. Finally, he says, “Kakashi. Why, exactly, are there two nukenin standing in my office?”

Normally, Kakashi would give him a response about cats and old ladies, but this is serious. “Well, Hokage-sama, they said they wanted to see Hokage Mountain, and as a patriotic citizen of Konoha, of course I offered to take them on a tour.” Serious for him, at least. Kakashi is fairly certain that he is no longer capable of _not_ trolling people, unless it is a life or death situation. And, yes, this is probably a life or death situation for the two Kiri missing-nin in the middle of Konoha, but is that his problem? Not really, no.

The Hokage’s eye twitches. This could either be a sign of irritation or carefully hidden amusement. Kakashi likes to assume it’s the latter. A little more seriously this time, he says, “We initially encountered Momochi Zabuza on the way to Wave. He and I fought to a stalemate, when his apprentice Haku, disguised as a hunter-nin, intervened. Later, I came to the realization that the hunter-nin had not followed standard protocol; namely, the nin did not dispose of Zabuza’s body immediately. This led me to believe that Zabuza would return once he had recovered, and I set my team to training in preparation.”

He pauses. The Hokage says nothing. This, Kakashi knows, is the hard part. This is where he’s either going to get chewed out for bringing back two missing-nin (alive and unrestrained), or the part where he gets praised for bringing back a long lost Uchiha (who is apparently still sane). “Approximately a week after our initial encounter, Zabuza and Haku attacked us at the bridge. However, this fight was interrupted when their companion, Uchiha Hitomi, arrived to -”

“It’s _Uzumaki_ Hitomi, thank you.”

His brain screeches to a halt. “What?”

The Sandaime echoes him. “What?”

As does Sasuke. “ _What?!_ You have the **Sharingan**!”

The conversation devolves from there, and Kakashi is painfully reminded of the conversation wherein Hitomi decided she was going to bring Zabuza and Haku along to Konoha. It began something like this:

_Kakashi: You, girl._

_Hitomi: I have a name. It’s Hitomi. Since you didn’t ask. Rude._

_Kakashi: You have the Sharingan. You need to come to Konoha with us._

_Hitomi: So? I don’t give two shits about Konoha._

_Zabuza: You guys are too soft to handle Hitomi._

_Hitomi: Aw, Zabuza, you_ do _care!_

_Zabuza: Shut up, brat._

_Sasuke: Why didn’t you tell me you had the Sharingan?_

_Hitomi: It didn’t really come up. It’s not like you told me about yours._

_Sasuke: I just activated it!!!_

Basically, there was a lot of squabbling, a lot of wild flailing from Naruto, some slightly more controlled flailing from Sasuke, and a curious sense of resignation from Zabuza. In retrospect, the resignation made sense. Kakashi wasn't sure whether Hitomi had planned on coming to Konoha or not, but once she decided, she had also decided she needed Zabuza and Haku to come with her. She accomplished this by first insulting Kakashi's ability to keep her safe from bloodline thieves and then goading Zabuza into coming.

 _Hitomi: Aw, come on, Zabuza, don’t tell me you’re_ scared _of the treehuggers._

_Zabuza: Scared…? I’ll show you scared!_

“ - my mother was an Uzumaki, and the Uzumaki are matrilineal. Also, my father wasn’t even an Uchiha...”

“- shut _up_ , dobe, she's still more my family than yours. Only Uchiha have the Sharingan. What do Uzumaki have? A habit of being _losers_?”

“Teme!!”

“Hitomi-chan is my best friend, you little pink harpy, and I'll -”

Haku is cut off by the Hokage. “Enough. We can discuss this later. Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, you are dismissed. Submit your written reports and go rest. Kakashi, you will stay.”

Idly, Kakashi wonders what Sakura had done to spark Haku’s ire. He seems a calm sort, wholly unlike the madness that is Hitomi. He supposes that her behavior does support the claim that she is an Uzumaki. Kushina had also been crazy, and the less that is said about Naruto, the better.

“Zabuza-san, what are your reasons for coming to Konoha?”

Zabuza might have scowled, but with the bandages, it was hard to tell. “One Eye over there thought Hitomi needed to come, and Haku didn’t want to let her come alone.”

Privately, Kakashi thinks that Zabuza was the one who didn’t want to leave Hitomi alone, and Hitomi seems to agree, if the way she’s beaming is any indication.

“I see. Well, Zabuza-san, I will have to ask Torture & Interrogation to verify that you and Haku-san do not pose a danger to Konoha.”

Hitomi’s expression goes flat in a way that does not bode well. “With all due respect, Hokage-sama, if Zabuza or Haku wanted to hurt Konoha, they would have tried to kill Kakashi back in Wave. It seems unnecessarily harsh to torture them when they have not exhibited hostility.”

“You misunderstand me, Hitomi-san. T&I is our information department. There will be no torture. We simply want to make sure that we are in a position to adopt both Zabuza and Haku into the village.”

Zabuza’s cough sounds suspiciously like _“Soft,”_ but Kakashi doesn’t know why he would be complaining about that. No torture sounds pretty good to him. Hitomi still doesn’t look satisfied. Kakashi resists an urge to sigh. What a demanding child. She was like some horrifying mix of Sasuke and Naruto.

“And what about _me_ , Hokage-sama? Surely you do not think I am not a danger when Konoha’s most infamous missing-nin is an Uchiha.”

The Hokage coughs. “Well. Politically, Kiri nukenin pose something of a problem. We must be careful. You, Hitomi-san, are of clans with a long and proud history with Konoha. We welcome you with open arms. Though, I was hoping you would agree to stay with Kakashi for the time being, since he is the ninja who brought you in.”

Kakashi pales under his mask. This is just cruel. Hitomi looks (un?)surprisingly gleeful as she says, “Not a problem, Hokage-sama. I hope we can come to a mutually beneficial conclusion.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like this chapter! I'm still figuring out a posting schedule, or if I'm even going to have one. But anyway, please leave a comment if you liked! Criticism, reviews, flailing, and ideas are all very welcome :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody goes to Ichiraku because where else do they go to eat? Except Zabuza, because he prefers to skulk in the background.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surpriiiiiiiise bitches bet y'all thought you saw the last of me!
> 
> idk if that's still a thing (prob not) but whatever I like saying it
> 
> Anyway sorry I didn't update for so long; I was moping about not having a job and then I did get a job and since it was my first real job I had a hard time adjusting. Aka I was always tired af. I can't promise regular updates but still, I'm back. Hope you guys enjoy :)

Kakashi opens the door to his apartment, thankful that he hadn’t encountered Gai or anyone else on their way here. Hitomi walks in after him, surprisingly quiet for someone who supposedly doesn’t have any shinobi training. But then, just because she didn’t belong to a Hidden Village didn’t mean she hadn’t had training. The question is who trained her.

“So, Hitomi-san, who trained you?” No one could ever accuse him of having tact.

“Just Hitomi is fine. My mother trained me. The better question is when are you going to feed me?”

Suddenly, Naruto skids to a stop in front of his apartment. “Sensei! You haven’t fed Hitomi-chan yet?! We should go to Ichiraku!” To Hitomi, he adds, “It’s the best ramen in Konoha!”

Sasuke slinks up behind Naruto, with Sakura trailing after him. His cute little genin will give him no peace, will they? He holds up his hands in surrender. “Maa, Naruto, we were just getting Hitomi-chan settled first. We can go to Ichiraku - my treat!”

All three of his genin give him doubtful looks. He gives them a wounded look; Sasuke rolls his eyes while Naruto squints at him doubtfully. Sakura doesn’t really react at all, but that’s probably because she’s glaring balefully at Hitomi. For her part, Hitomi looks gleeful. Kakashi thinks that’s either her default expression or she only decided to come to Konoha so she could revel in his misery. For the sake of his sanity, he decides to ignore all that and strolls right past them all. He tosses over his shoulder, “Well, if you don’t want to come Naruto, I guess I’ll just have to eat by myself.”

“What! Sensei, wait for meeeee!!!!”

At Ichiraku, Kakashi claims the seat next to the wall as soon as he gets there. But because he has no luck and the universe doesn’t like him, Hitomi claims the seat right next to his. Naruto bounds into the seat next to hers, only for Sasuke to start fighting with him for it. Kakashi loves his team. He does. But at times like these, he has to wonder what the Sandaime was thinking, giving him a team of baby genin. He isn’t cut out for teaching genin, and he’s even less suited to understanding their social interactions. 

While Sasuke and Naruto fight over the seat next to Hitomi, Haku glides in out of nowhere and takes it. He then smirks at them. Hoping to avert disaster, Kakashi all but screams, "Teuchi-san! Naruto wants some ramen!" The genin settle down, and Kakashi sighs in relief.

That is, until he turns to look at Hitomi. She smiles cheerfully at Kakashi, but he swears he feels menace emanating from her. Not killing intent, not exactly, but...something. It's probably his imagination. Coming from the future made him twitchier than he was the first time around. 

She orders a bowl of ramen. Naruto would probably have commented on that, but he's well on his way through his second bowl. Kakashi thinks to ask her a few questions but before he can, a fight breaks out between Sakura and Naruto. He drops his head into his hands and resigns himself to an afternoon of screaming pre-teens. Joy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also anybody have ideas for ways hitomi can fuck with kakashi? i can only come up with so many but i enjoy torturing this man, especially for this fic


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter of bonding....otherwise known as the chapter of arguing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow it's been like a month
> 
> you know i've been writing stuff for this but i never post anything because I write shit out of order i'm sorry
> 
> also i was hoping people would give me ideas to torture kakashi
> 
> clearly that didn't happen so you're stuck with just my ideas

Kakashi never does get to ask Hitomi any questions. The Hokage decides that she should go on missions with Kakashi's team, since they already know about her heritage and since they "get along well together." If only he knew. Every single day is a screaming match between Sakura and Naruto over something stupid, or a one-sided screaming match between Naruto and Sasuke over Naruto's hurt pride. And that was before Hitomi came. Before  _Haku_ came.

 

For reasons unknown to Kakashi, the Hokage has also decided that Haku should tag along with his team. Kakashi is now stuck babysitting  _five_ pre-teens instead of the  _three_ that he signed up for/was coerced into taking. It's probably karma for plotting to kill one of the original three. His team's relationships now look like this:

  * Hitomi and Sasuke get along remarkably well.
  * Hitomi and Naruto get along if they're pranking somebody and making life miserable for Kakashi.
  * Naruto and Sasuke still do not get along, and now they're also fighting over Hitomi.
  * Hitomi and Sakura do not get along, mostly because Sakura is jealous.
  * Sakura and Naruto still do not get along, partially because Sakura thinks Sasuke is better than Naruto and now partially because Sakura doesn't like Hitomi.
  * Haku and Sasuke get along for the most part, because Haku doesn't try to talk to Sasuke and Sasuke likes his silence.
  * Haku and Naruto get along remarkably well.
  * Haku and Sakura do not get along, again because Sakura is rude to Hitomi.
  * And of course, Sasuke is still determined to ignore Sakura's existence.



 

Now that he thinks about it, Sakura seems like the clear problem here. He ponders that for a bit. He doesn't remember her being quite this bad but maybe throwing another girl into the mix was what caused all this...drama.

 

Exhibit A:

 

Kakashi comes late to practice as he always does, only to find that there is absolutely no one there except Hitomi. He approaches warily, and she smiles widely at him, emanating that same sense of...menace...that she did at Ichiraku. Kakashi is concerned. He's not so sure that he was being overly twitchy before. This weird feeling seems to happen with unnerving frequency around Hitomi.

 

It turns out he was right to be twitchy, because when he steps on a board two feet away from Hitomi, it gives under his weight, forcing him to trigger a trip wire that was concealed between (between? who puts wires between  _boards_?!) two boards, which launches both shuriken and paint bombs at him. He jumps away, but Naruto swoops in, and throws his clones (his  _clones_ , not even weapons, his freaking  _clones)_ at Kakashi, forcing him within range of the paint bombs. It's worth mentioning that Naruto is cackling wildly throughout this entire scene. Even so, Kakashi thinks that's the end of it.

But alas, he just didn't understand the kind of mischief the Uzumaki were capable of.

The paint bombs were not normal paint bombs. Oh no. That would be too easy. The paint bombs were pheromones that made him smell like a bitch in heat. A literal bitch in heat. Yes. He smelled like a female dog ready to have sex with a male dog and make little baby puppies. He got jumped by five different Inuzuka ninken, ten other ninken, and at least twenty random dogs on his way home.

He doesn't know where Sasuke and Sakura were through all of this and frankly, he doesn't want to know. He hopes they weren't doing anything too awful.

Exhibit B:

Sakura flounces over and bats her (nonexistent) eyelashes at Sasuke. "Sasuke-kun," she croons (and isn't THAT a disturbing image), "do you want to get lunch with me?"

 

Hitomi sniffs disdainfully. Sakura shoots her a glare and Naruto cries out, "Teme, what did you do to Hitomi-chan! She's making weird bastard noises like you now!"

 

Sasuke sniffs disdainfully. "That's because she's an Uchiha. Dobe." He then sneers at Naruto.

 

Naruto glares back and says, "She's an Uzumaki like me!"

 

Sakura, disgruntled at being ignored, butts in, "Who cares!"

 

The boys both turn to her and shout, "I do!"

 

Haku glides in out of nowhere (seriously, he's always gliding, and he's always coming in out of nowhere) and says pointedly, "Ooh, is someone mad they're a loser? Well, not everyone can have shiny hair like me and Hitomi."

 

Kakashi does not get what shiny hair has to do with anything, but Sakura's eyes well up with tears and she dashes off. The boys continue arguing in the background.

 

Exhibit C:

 

Haku and Sakura are arguing over something. Kakashi takes a wild guess that it's probably about Hitomi.

 

"Well," Sakura practically spits, "she told me in Wave that she 'didn't like her teammates,' so there! She doesn't even like you! You're just a stupid bully!"

 

Kakashi has to admit that Sakura is probably the bully here, with how often she hits Naruto for no reason, but he does think that this time's Haku seems just a tad...tad bit meaner than the old one. In fact, he just laughs at Sakura. "Yes, I can imagine she told you that. We were working with Gato, or is your pretty little head too empty to remember that? She didn't like working with him at all. Which is why she spied on him and how we ended up here to begin with. Obviously."

 

This has Sakura fuming. Kakashi wonders how he's going to get his team trained at all at this rate. Maybe if he makes them find Tora a couple of times they'll bond in their collective misery.

 

Exhibit D:

Certainly other missions don't help them bond. Kakashi briefly contemplates getting his brain checked out by a Yamanaka, because his memories are clearly faulty. He doesn't remember Haku being so...catty. He also doesn't remember Sakura being so...bratty. Ick. If he didn't know better he would swear they were doing it just to give him a headache.

 

On today's memorable mission, they have been tasked with helping in the kitchens of a popular diner that is trying to compete with the Akimichi. It's a lost cause, of course, but let the civilians dream while they can.

 

Certain things happen that causes the entirety of Team 7 (plus Haku and Hitomi) to be banned from setting foot on the premises of said diner ever again.

 

Some things, Kakashi expects, because Team 7 has always been a trio of hellions. For example, he is not surprised that Naruto manages to eat all of the ramen he was supposed to be serving to customers. Nor is he surprised when Naruto makes clones, and those clones, instead of being helpful,  _also_ eat the ramen they are supposed to be serving to customers. Kakashi remains calm even when Sakura shrieks loudly at the sight of raw, bloody meat and absolutely refuses to help cook. He even makes it through Sasuke's attempt at "cleaning" the bathrooms by setting them on fire. If pressed, he might admit that he was a bit tempted to kill Sasuke for that, but he doesn't even threaten him, so he counts that as a win. It's mostly because, for once, Kakashi empathizes with Sasuke. Those bathrooms were absolutely filthy and beyond unhygienic. They couldn't really be cleaned, so the sensible thing (from an Uchiha's point of view, anyway) was to burn it all down. Kakashi remembers that Obito had always been a spectacularly fire-happy child for someone so bad at Katon jutsu.

 

The point is, Kakashi was prepared for that level of insanity, pyromania and all. But alas, there are a great many things that Kakashi was emphatically  _not_  prepared for.

 

For example, whenever a customer complains about not getting the ramen they ordered (because Naruto ate it), Haku miraculously appears by their side to comment, in a tone too sweet to really be nice, how it's probably for the best, because ramen is a fattening food and too much of it will really ruin one's figure. This doesn't go over well with the customers. Kakashi can freely admit he is annoyed by Sakura's reluctance to help with meat because hello, are they not shinobi? Will they not be expected to decapitate people on the regular? Also, how can he trust her to look after his ninken if he's ever incapacitated on a mission? This does not mean, however, that he appreciates the bloodthirsty delight with which Hitomi carves up the food. Or the...almost  _admiring_ look he sees in Sasuke's eyes. That child does not need any more ideas.

 

The bathrooms, however, are the crowning glory (disaster?). Sasuke doesn't just set the bathrooms on fire. Oh no. That would be too simple, and it's already been established that the universe hates Kakashi. Sasuke also sets Sakura on fire, supposedly on accident (though Kakashi has his doubts), because she was hiding from her kitchen duties in the bathroom. In a way, Kakashi would count that as a win, because Sakura was able to get a glimpse of Sasuke's true nature without actually being endangered - a little smoke inhalation never hurt anyone. He  _would_ count it as a win...if Haku hadn't put out the fires with an over-liberal application of freezing water, completed by a flick of his fingers and an airy toss of his long, shiny hair. Everyone else on the team was perfectly fine with it, but not Sakura. Understandable, since she was the only one soaked in freezing cold water, but Kakashi was beginning to sense a theme here. Namely, that Sakura was a bit too high maintenance to be a ninja.

 

Anyway, the point is that Kakashi and his team were all banned from that diner, and his group of pre-teens were still at each other's throats.

 

Exhibit Tora:

Kakashi does, indeed, attempt to use Tora to force his students plus Hitomi and Haku to bond. It does not go as planned. He probably should have expected that.

 

They have just arrived at one of Konoha's many parks to start their search for Tora. Hitomi pulls out a bottle and sprays her legs with it. Naruto and Sakura pull identical confused faces. Sasuke looks bored as usual; Kakashi isn't sure if he's confused or not, but Kakashi sure as hell is.

 

Haku looks amused. "Have you never seen catnip before?"

 

As one, every Konoha native turns blank, confused faces to him. He stares at them for a bit. "Wow, you...actually don't know what catnip is."

 

Hitomi informs them all helpfully, "It doesn't grow in the Land of Fire. Especially not near Konoha, which is still saturated with the chakra of the Senju."

 

Sakura, ever the book nerd, pipes up. "I haven't ever heard of catnip."

 

Haku throws her a dirty look. "Hitomi  _just said_ it doesn't grow near Konoha. Why would you have heard of it?"

"Well, I've read a lot and I think I would have heard about something like that."

"What do you mean 'something like that?' Do you even know what it does?"

She does not, in fact, know what it does. Sasuke scoffs and says, "Cats love it. That's why it's called catnip." His tone conveys both disdain and disappointment that she didn't know that, and Sakura wilts.

 

Curiously, Haku asks, "Why did you know about it?"

 

Sasuke looks away, and Hitomi answers for him. "The Uchiha have a contract with ninneko."

 

"Ah, yes, I read about this! All of the Clans have a summons, and the Uchiha contracted with cats!" Sakura says, notably cheery now that she has something to contribute to the conversation. 

 

Kakashi sighs to notice that she is oblivious to the funk that Sasuke has now sunken into at the mention of his Clan. Near him, Naruto whines, "I want a cool summons! How come I don't have a summons?"

 

Sakura hits him on the head and screams, "You idiot! You're not from a Clan, that's why!"

 

"Sakura-chan, that hurts!" Naruto clasps his head and stares at her through tearful eyes.

 

Thankfully for Kakashi's sanity, they are all interrupted by the sound of meowing. Tora has managed to find them, and she is rubbing herself all over Hitomi's legs. Haku holds up the carrier with a smug look at Sakura, and Hitomi promptly deposits the now-tame cat from hell into it.

 

Sasuke cheers up just enough to snipe at Naruto that of course Uchiha are better at missions than the loser Uzumaki are, and Naruto screams right back that Hitomi's an Uzumaki anyway.

 

Not for the first time, Kakashi wishes he wasn't the one sent back in time.

 

Exhibit E: 

Kakashi finally reaches the safety of his own apartment after fending off the lustful advances of many, many ninken and normal dogs. He opens the door, and he has just enough time to think, ' _Oh, fuck me with a broomstick,'_ before everything explodes.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is tora actually the daimyo's wife's cat? because they catch tora all the time within village walls and wtf is the daimyo's wife's cat doing in konoha all the time?? these are the things i think about


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Chuunin Exams happen. 
> 
> Hitomi slaps some people. Alas, no bitchslapping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it has recently come to my attention that there are people out there who think that it's "rude" to give an author constructive criticism unless the author has specifically requested it. First of all, I am not sure that this person understands the difference between just criticism and constructive criticism. But let's pretend that they do. If you're so thin-skinned you can't handle any kind of commentary on your fics that aren't "omgggggg this is so good step on me qween i want naruto to have ALL of sasuke's ass babies!!" then you have no business posting shit on the internet. Also, critique is a crucial part of the artistic process, whether you're a painter or a writer. It's stupid and shortsighted to condemn people for giving criticism when in fact everyone needs criticism to develop their work. Yet another point - I do not give a single flying shit whether you are just writing "for fun" or not. I know you're writing for fun. How do I know this? Because you are writing fanfiction and therefore are probably not getting paid to write, ergo, you must be doing it for fun. Just like I write for fun. That doesn't mean it's anyone's job to praise you or to avoid making you uncomfortable. If you're that uncomfortable with criticism, then it is on YOU to make it clear that you don't want people giving criticism. It is NOT on the reader to check and ask "Oh, I noticed some things could I pretty please have your permission to discuss it with you over tea and cookies?" FINALLY - I definitely don't care if you claim that other writers you know agree with you, because I, obviously, don't agree with you, and judging from all of the requests to "please review!" or "let me know what you think!" etc etc, there are a lot of writers who don't agree with you. Don't lash out at your readers just because you get upset when people disagree with you.
> 
> But in case any of you are afraid of leaving reviews because of people like that, I hereby give you BLANKET PERMISSION to leave comments of the critical nature. Hell, you can write me an essay if you want. You know, the type of thing that begins with "The fanfiction If I Have Not Love sets out to explore the effects of unconditional love on the character Sasuke..." and ends with "In conclusion, the story If I Have Not Love has many flaws typical to fanfiction, the most notable of which is...." etc etc. I don't think an essay would help me much but if you want to write it, go right ahead. If you want to download this entire thing, mark it up like your teachers used to mark up your short stories, and send it back to me, be my guest. If you want to leave a really thoughtful reply going into why you like something I did and what you think about it, PLEASE DO. If you just want to leave a comment saying that you liked it or that you hope I keep on writing, feel free. Go nuts guys, as long as it's not something like "you like gays i hope you rot in hell" because that's not criticism; that's bigotry and harassment.
> 
>  
> 
> TLDR; COMMENTS ARE GOOD THINGS. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO COMMENT ON PEOPLE'S WORK - WHETHER YOU'RE POINTING OUT MISTAKES, OFFERING CRITICISM, OR JUST LETTING THE AUTHOR KNOW YOU LIKED IT

Before long, it's time for the Chuunin Exams. Kakashi isn't sure if his students are ready, but he figures he'll give them this chance to learn their own limits. He also figures it's inevitable that Orochimaru will come after Sasuke like before, and he'd rather that explosion stay in the Forest of Death rather than spill over into the village proper.

But his team is a special case now, so he hauls them and Hitomi and Haku to the Hokage to be told about the Chuunin Exams.

They listen quietly, and then Hitomi says blithely, "I don't want to enter the Chuunin Exams. I don't particularly care about becoming a chuunin."

Everyone is taken aback, but the Sandaime recovers quickly and smiles gently at her in understanding. In understanding of  _what_ Kakashi isn't sure, because it's not like Hitomi's a normal child with normal thought processes. Whatever the Sandaime is thinking is probably not what Hitomi's thinking.

Kakashi's actual team enters the exams, but Haku also abstains, though he doesn't say why.

Later, Sasuke broods. Sakura tries to engage him in conversation, despite Kakashi's best efforts to separate the two, but luckily(?) for Kakashi, Sasuke isn't even tempted to answer Sakura. Instead he asks Hitomi, "Why aren't you going to take the exams? Don't you want to become stronger?"

Hitomi just looks at him for a bit, and Kakashi gets an eerie sense that they do this a lot. Maybe it's an Uchiha thing - all of the staring, that is. She says, "I don't need to take the exams to become stronger. Ranks don't mean that much. A chuunin can be killed, the same way a genin can be killed."

Sasuke takes that in, and broods some more. Kakashi doesn't understand that exchange, and frankly, he doesn't want to. What he wants is to go home, summon his pack, and sleep the day away.

* * *

For Reasons, which Kakashi are not privy to  _again (_ Yes, he is annoyed at being kept out of the loop. If this keeps up any longer, he's going to start breaking into the Hokage Tower.), Hitomi ends up entering the exams. Her teammates are called Haruto and Rei. Kakashi doesn't know what their family names are, nor does he care. They're not clan kids, anyway, so it's not like it matters.

Both Team 7 and Hitomi's team pass the first exam, designed to test the students' information gathering skills as well as their resolve. They enter the Forest of Death, and Kakashi holds his breath. Maybe Orochimaru won't come. Maybe Sasuke won't turn evil.

A few hours in, iryo-nin cart an exhausted looking Anko to the hospital, and Kakashi sighs. Typical.

* * *

Haruto and Reo both stare as Hitomi suddenly stops.

“What’s wrong, Hitomi-san?”

She doesn't say anything, just stares off into the distance as though she could see through the forest. Maybe she could. Haruto doesn't know everything the Sharingan can do. 

And then, suddenly, Haruto can't breathe. He isn't drowning, he knew he wasn’t drowning, how could he drown in a forest? But he can't breathe, can't move, can't do anything but panic. His head snaps to the side.

“Did you...just slap me?”

Hitomi says flatly, “Yes. You were panicking.”

He wants to protest, but he knows it’s true. Beside him, Reo takes a deep breath. “What was that?”

Haruto thinks he remembers something about this. “It’s called killing intent, right? I...felt like I was going to die.”

“Yeah...me too. We should get going. I don’t want to run into whoever that was.”

Relieved that Reo agrees with him, Haruto says, “Yeah. I think we can stick to our original plan and keep going.”

Hitomi doesn’t even bother looking at them. “That’s coming from near where Sasuke is. I’m not leaving him. You can wait for me by the tower.” With that, she promptly takes off. Haruto’s jaw drops. Does the Sharingan make people go crazy or what? She’s going to go fight against...whatever the fuck that was? By  _herself?_

 _"_ Uh, Reo-san?"

 "Yes, Haruto-kun?"

 "Should we follow her?"

 "Probably." He pauses. "....maybe from a distance."

 Haruto sighs. This isn't what he signed up for.

* * *

Sakura jerks awake. There is a face hovering over her. It comes into focus - Hitomi. That bitch. Always acting so superior. Just like Ino. But Sakura was going to show them all. She didn't need shiny hair to be pretty or to be a good kunoichi. Sakura had cut all her hair off and now no one could hold her back....

She startles when a hand slaps against her face. "Sakura. Can you hear me?"

Sakura squints up at Hitomi. "Whaaaat," she slurs.

There's a sigh above her, and that's all she processes before she passes out again.

* * *

Haruto and Rei trail Hitomi at a safe distance, which inevitably means that they run into some enemies that they actually have to handle themselves. It's not too big of a problem, but it means that they only catch up with her in time to witness part of the beatdown that she's dishing out to some random Sound team.

Haruto gulps. Hitomi is scary. "Is it just me...or is she a lot more vicious than she needs to be?"

Rei shrugs nonchalantly, but he looks a little queasy.

They both perk up when they see her holding a scroll.

"Hitomi-san! Is that an Earth scroll?"

Hitomi stands. "Yes," she says shortly. "But it's for Sasuke's team."

Rei frowns. "But aren't you the one who defeated them?"

She tilts her head at him. "By that logic, only I should pass this exam, since the two of you didn't do anything."

Haruto doesn't say anything. If she has a crush on Uchiha Sasuke and wants to give him her/their scroll, Haruto does not mind, because guess what? She just broke that one guy's arm, and she cracked that girl's kneecap. Haruto is going to shut up and let her carry him through this exam.

Rei doesn't argue and just asks, "Are we staying with them, then?"

"Not sure yet. Sasuke's out cold, and he's got a weird seal on his neck."

She moves over to the pink-haired girl and slaps her awake. Haruto is beginning to sense a theme here - namely, that Hitomi likes to slap people. The girl mumbles and goes still again. Hitomi sits back and sighs. "We're going to have to stay with them." She looks at them. "You'll have to carry them, because I need to have both hands free if I'm going to protect all of us."

Haruto doesn't argue, but he can see Rei gearing up for another retort. Forgoing his manners, Haruto jabs an elbow into Rei's side. Rei gapes at him, and Haruto hisses, "Just do it. We both know we're freeloaders here anyway. Might as well keep on her good side by carrying her crush."

Rei frowns. "Well then why do we have to carry the other two?"

Haruto gazes towards the sky. Kami-sama help him. He gets stuck with a psychotic girl with a crush on the Last Uchiha and he also got some whiny nobody who doesn't know how to play his part with grace. He should have just stayed a genin. "Because, Rei-san, you cannot advance unless your entire team makes it to the tower."

Sensing that their little discussion is over, Hitomi starts running towards the tower. They run after her in silence, punctuated only by brief pauses where they switch who's carrying the girl. Hitomi dispatches every enemy (human or otherwise) they encounter with brutal efficiency. One such fight yields the Earth scroll that they need, and Rei looks a bit less sour after that.

They make it to the tower, and Haruto and Rei collapse happily.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some thoughts from Rei, and then some more asshole behavior from Kakashi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave more comments :)
> 
> i promise i read all of them and love them, even if i'm not that great about replying to them...*laughs nervously*
> 
> anyway
> 
> hope you guys enjoy!

Sabaku no Gaara is a monster.

All of the rookies seemed really concerned about the last fight, the one between Hyuuga Hinata and Hyuuga Neji. Rei has to admit to some curiosity about the bad blood there - the girl named Sakura had explained about the way the Hyuuga are split, but Neji's grudge had seemed very personal. That is actually why Rei does not think of Neji as a monster or even a bad person. Whatever it may be, it's clear that there is a story there.

Gaara is a monster because there isn't a story. Or there might be, but nothing Rei can think of could possibly justify his actions. He just wanted to kill Lee because he could. This much Rei knows - if he is matched against Gaara in the tournament round, he will forfeit.

True to form, Hitomi doesn't really react to any of the matches. At least, that's what Rei thinks. But Haruto whispers to him, "Doesn't Hitomi-san look really interested in Gaara-san?"

He glances at her. He doesn't see the Sharingan, but that doesn't mean anything. He hadn't seen her activate it once in the forest, but Haruto assured him that she had had it activated at multiple points. Sharingan or not, she does look unusually intent on the match, her eyes tracking every move.

"Haruto-kun, does she have her...?"

Haruto nods.

Ah. So something about this match is interesting enough for Hitomi to watch it with her Sharingan.

It doesn't matter. It's not Rei's business, just like it's not his business why there is an Uchiha besides Sasuke, why that Uchiha is hiding her identity, why she forfeited when he knows she could beat most of the contestants easily...

Chuunin understand that some things are need-to-know, and Rei understands that he doesn't need to know.

* * *

Kakashi focuses on his Icha Icha. He hasn’t read a word in the past half hour, but he’ll damned if he lets anyone realize that. He casually flips the page. Hitomi, the damn menace, is staring at him. He sweats a little.

“So…….”

“Hm?” He looks up from his book as if he has just realized she is there. “Did you need something?”

She looks at him judgmentally. “Are you really not going to train either of your students? The ones fighting in the tournament? Really?”

"I got someone to teach Naruto. He needs a better grasp on the basics."

The judgmental look does not fade. "And what about Sasuke?"

Kakashi sweats some more. He doesn’t want to teach Sasuke. He’s been doing okay, better than Kakashi remembers him being, but now he has Orochimaru’s mark on him. Kakashi is wary of giving Sasuke any more power than he currently has, and he is especially concerned about teaching him the Chidori, considering the damage Sasuke did with that in the past. Future. Whatever - during the war.

As though she can read his mind, Hitomi squints and leans in closer. “You’re not avoiding him just because of Orochimaru’s weird hickey are you? It’s not his fault that there’s a pedophile after his body.”

Kakashi sweats some more. He wouldn’t really call it a hickey, but that’s what Naruto called it, and apparently that's how people are referring to it. He strongly suspects that Hitomi knows it's a seal but calls it a hickey just to fuck with him.

He realizes he’s taken too long to answer when Hitomi adds helpfully, “I mean, Sasuke is pretty cute, but it’s not like he can help that. It’s normal for  _me_ to like him, but when it’s an adult it’s creepy.”

Suddenly, she gasps, and Kakashi’s heart sinks. He is not prepared for whatever bizarre epiphany Hitomi’s had this time.

“Are you nervous about being alone with him because you’re a pervert and people will think you’re a pedophile too?!”

He was right. Kakashi can’t take it anymore and shunshins away. He can hear Hitomi calling after him, “Even if you’re a pervert, I don’t think you’re a pedophile! You should train Sasuke!”

* * *

Hitomi shoves something in his face. Startled, Sasuke steps back. "What are you doing?"

She beams. "We got you a gift!"

"We?"

She gestures to the side, and only now does he realize Zabuza is with her. Strange. That's the first time he's actually seen the man since they got back from Wave. She holds out the something again, and he sees it's a sword. It has the Uchiha fan engraved in the handle. His breath catches.

Hitomi is still holding it out expectantly, so he slowly reaches out. "This is...for me?"

"Yup! I got Zabuza to agree to teach you how to use it. So it'll be a surprise for everyone when you show up with a sword!"

No one has offered to teach him anything in years. Even before That Night, it was very rare that anyone would just...spend time with Sasuke. He had to beg for Itachi's attention, for his father's attention. He blinks rapidly and tells himself firmly,  _I will not cry. I will NOT cry._

Thankfully, Hitomi continues on without mentioning it. "And I can spar with you, once you've gotten the stances and stuff down."

Sasuke does not know how to be grateful, because he has had very little in his life to be grateful for. So when he opens his mouth, what comes out is not a thanks but a, "What about the loser? Naruto won't shut up if he thinks I'm getting more attention from you."

Hitomi's smile goes brittle at the edges, and he is abruptly reminded of her in Wave, of how much fun she had killing Gato's thugs. Hitomi is a killer, more than anyone on his team, more than himself, more than Haku, and right now she looks like one. She just says, "That's because Naruto's an attention whore. Anyway, he's going to be preoccupied so it won't matter."

Sasuke snorts. Attention whore is right. Hitomi smiles at him, all the brittle edges gone, and claps her hands together. "Okay, so are you ready to start?"

He nods. Zabuza steps forward, letting his massive sword drop to the ground with a loud  _clunk_. Sasuke is mildly concerned. "You're not going to attack me with that, are you?"

"Of course not."

He lets out a relieved sigh.

And then Zabuza grins beneath his weird bandages and says, "At least, not  _yet._ "

Well, shit.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shikamaru thinks that the Chuunin Exams are troublesome.
> 
> He's not wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyyy it's been a while
> 
> sorry bout that i've been distracted
> 
> but i'm baaaaack

The Chuunin Exams are, in a word, troublesome. 

Shikamaru had to fight, after all, and that's troublesome. And then there is Gaara, who destroyed Lee's career and tried to assassinate him in the hospital. They had managed to stall him long enough for someone more experienced to show up and handle it, but that had been the most frightening moment of Shikamaru's life thus far. Sometimes, he really hates his need to help his comrades.

That same murderous Gaara is fighting now. He's up against Sasuke, and before these Exams, Shikamaru would have said that Sasuke could defeat any genin quite easily. Actually, he would still bet on Sasuke over most genin. But Gaara is a different story. He might technically be a genin, but he's obviously out of their league. Most worrisome of all is Shikamaru's suspicion that Gaara isn't here to become a chuunin.

Still, it's not like Shikamaru can do anything about it. His vague, half-formed suspicions won't mean anything to the proctors or the Hokage. If Gaara's opponent was anyone but Sasuke, he could try reasoning with them. Unfortunately, Shikamaru knows quite well that Sasuke is far too stubborn to be persuaded easily, and vague suspicions will mean even less to Sasuke than to the proctors. So he just watches and tries to figure out if there's any way to interfere with the fight that doesn't end up with him a) maimed by Gaara or b) maimed by Sasuke.

Sasuke is fast. Fast enough that Gaara's sand is having problems keeping up with him. That's good. He'll need that speed if Gaara goes crazy again and refuses to acknowledge the end of the match. Sasuke is not as fast as Lee was, but that's probably fine, as long as he doesn't wear himself out the way Lee did. Shikamaru doesn't think that will be a problem. Sasuke is not reckless the way Lee is.

To his left, Ino squeals with delight that "her Sasuke-kun" is doing so well. Briefly, Shikamaru contemplates asking Ino to use her jutsu to take over Gaara's body. But no - if even Sakura could break out of it, there's no telling what someone like Gaara could do to her.

Gaara is retreating into a sphere of sand. Sasuke backs up and unsheathes his sword. Shikamaru thinks that he might have to reevaluate Sasuke's intelligence, because there is no way a sword is going to do anything to Gaara and that strange defense of his. Sasuke's sword starts glowing. Ah. A chakra blade. That might work.

Hinata coughs, the sound wet and rattly, and he turns to see that she's coughed up blood. Troublesome. She obviously isn't entirely healed from that death match with her cousin. Kiba looks worried, peering between his teammate and Shikamaru in turns, as though Shikamaru might have some idea of what to do for her. He doesn't, of course, but he helps her out of her seat and towards the back wall. An ANBU comes over to help, which is odd - ANBU iryo-nin do not heal non-ANBU unless it is an emergency.

An inhuman shriek splits the air, drawing his attention away. He stands up to get a better look at what's going on. It seems that Sasuke has managed to land a hit on Gaara. A painful one, too, by the sound of it.

He turns back to Hinata, and at that moment, white feathers start to fall from the sky. It is very obviously a genjutsu, but Shikamaru doesn't bother getting up even after he dispels it. The Chuunin Exams are somehow even more troublesome than he had predicted, and he can't be bothered to do anything more. He's going to pretend he's caught in the genjutsu unless someone forces him to get up.

As if she heard his thoughts, Sakura comes over and hits him with a hissed, "Shikamaru! How can you pretend to sleep in a situation like this?"

He groans and peels one eye open.

Sakura is hovering over him, her face a mask of annoyance that does little to cover the way she's shaking with fear. Naruto is with her, but he's probably shaking with impatience. He's too dumb to understand fear. "Sasuke went after Gaara! We have to go help him!"

He groans again. "Can't he handle it himself?"

It's a stupid question, and he knows it. Whatever's going on is bigger than just the Chuunin Exams, which means that pursuing Gaara has automatically become a job that requires more than just one genin. Also, there's no way Naruto would be okay with that.

Sure enough, Naruto balks. "Didn't you see Gaara?! He's crazy! We have to go help!"

Shikamaru rolls his eyes, but gets up obligingly.

Naruto beams at him and then turns to Sakura. "Hey, hey - do you know where Hitomi-chan is?"

Hitomi is probably that androgynous chick he always sees hanging around Team 7. Sakura doesn't seem to like her very much, judging from the way she scowls at Naruto for the question. "I don't know, Naruto, and it doesn't matter. We have to go help Sasuke."

They don't have time for this. "Is she a good fighter?"

"Yeah! She's really good - better than Sasuke!"

"She's okay."

Shikamaru glances between the two of them. On the one hand, Sakura obviously dislikes the girl and doesn't want to acknowledge her skill. On the other...Naruto doesn't like to acknowledge  _Sasuke's_ skill, so he could just be hyping up the girl's skill to make Sasuke look bad.

Whatever the truth, they really don't have time for this. And he doesn't know enough about her to work her into any of his plans, anyway.

"Sakura's right, Naruto. We have to go. She might already be helping somewhere with all this - " he gestures at the chaos around them, and watches Naruto slowly close his mouth as he continues, " - and if she is, then it would be a waste of our time to look for her. We need to catch up to Sasuke and Gaara as fast as possible."

 

* * *

 

Despite getting sidetracked by some Oto-nin, they do catch up fairly quickly.

They arrive just in time to see Sasuke get sent flying into a tree. Naruto tenses up and Shikamaru knows he's about to run charging in, so he snags his collar. "Naruto, hold on. We need a plan."

Naruto struggles in his grasp, but they both still when they hear the sound of Gaara's maniacal cackling. "Kaa-san....I will feed you blood! Such delicious blood!"

Shikamaru only has the time to think  _what in the fresh hell_ before Sakura, of all people, has gone dashing off to defend Sasuke and also gets sent flying into a tree. Naruto is so incensed by this that Shikamaru doesn't bother trying to hold on to him. He just sighs. "Troublesome."

He hangs back and tries to help by using his Shadow Bind on Gaara. Even that only works for seconds at a time, and then Gaara breaks free and returns to rampaging through the forest while ranting about blood. Eventually, he sends Naruto flying, and turns his attention to Sasuke, who is lying on a tree branch and who is probably unconscious. Shikamaru considers all of the possible plans furiously. Their options aren't good.

And then, as if by some miracle, a girl that Shikamaru has never seen before lands in front of Sasuke's still form and orders, "Silence, beast."

Her tone is cold, and Shikamaru shivers. Even their rescuer is scary. This is  _such_  a drag. Gaara screams and launches himself at her. The girl doesn't move, and Shikamaru is torn between screaming at her to run and using the distraction as an opportunity to run far, far away.

And then Gaara collapses, as abruptly as a puppet whose strings have been cut.

The girl looks down at him, and then she turns and looks right at Shikamaru. "Nara. Shikamaru, right?"

He manages a nod, confused as he is.

"Can you watch over Sasuke? Gaara won't be giving you anymore trouble, but someone else might come. I should probably get back to the village and help there."

Before he can reply, Naruto bounds up from wherever he was flung, just in time to catch Sakura as the sand holding her falls away. "Hitomi-chan! That was so awesome! What did you do???"

Hitomi smirks and says, "Clan secret," before pivoting and sprinting back towards Konoha.

Shikamaru just stares blankly after her.  _That's_ Hitomi? Then who's the androgynous person who hangs around Team 7 all the time?

Another thought hits him. "Naruto, what clan does Hitomi belong to?"

Naruto beams at him and says happily, "Uzumaki!"

Shikamaru can't help himself from gaping. What? Since when does Naruto have a relative? Also, if they're from the same clan, shouldn't Naruto know what she just did?

"Naruto, what does Hitomi specialize in?"

"What?"

"How does she fight? Does she use a lot of genjutsu? Taijutsu?"

Naruto's face slowly lights up in realization. Shikamaru manfully resists the urge to sigh. It's times like these that make him wonder how dumb Naruto really is. 

"Ohhh. Well I don't know everything she can do, but when we met her she killed a bunch of guys with a sword! Also she says she has this really big war fan thing, but I've never seen it."

"Like Temari's fan?"

 _"_ I guess."

That doesn't tell him anything useful, but he supposes that's the best he's going to get out of Naruto.

The lazy genius plops down onto the tree branch. As far as he's concerned, he has officially earned a nap. Naruto can watch over Sasuke.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Itachi visits Konoha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> according to my notes I apparently read some fic with excessive Sasuke bashing and excessive Sakura fangirling and apparently that fucked me up so much I failed to write anything of my own. haha whoops

Itachi does not pretend to fully understand Akatsuki's objectives. "Madara" did not see fit to enlighten him, and so far "Leader" has only assigned apparently random missions to all of the members. 

Though content to play along until otherwise directed, Itachi is quite annoyed that  _somehow_ all of his assignments have kept him far from Konoha. So when Leader announces that there is a need to scout Konoha and ascertain the Kyuubi jinchuuriki's whereabouts, Itachi jumps at the chance. Well, that is what he would have done were he not Uchiha Itachi. It is probably more accurate to say that Itachi seizes the chance by the throat and refuses to let go.

In any case, Itachi and his hulking partner make their way to Konoha.

The tea shops are just as delightful as he remembers. Hatake Kakashi is also just as paranoid as he remembers, though he and his cohorts are also every bit as weak as expected.

Few things surprise Itachi these days. His earliest memories are of war (and, of course, his precious otouto), followed by the revelation that his family was planning a coup, followed by an order to exterminate his family. An order that he followed. Then, of course, there was the case of "Madara" and his group of mercenaries, one of which included Orochimaru. The latter had revealed himself to be a disgusting child molester, and after that, Itachi hadn't really had it in him to be surprised by much of anything.

Despite all that, Itachi still finds himself very much surprised when he drags Hatake into Tsukuyomi and the man's mind gives a shiver of resignation.  _Not again_.

Itachi frowns. Not again? He has an excellent memory - and with the Sharingan, he has a flawless memory. He has never used Tsukuyomi on a Konoha ninja besides Sasuke. That doesn't make any sense.

He digs deeper, and finds what appears to be memories of a Sasuke gone mad, a world torn apart by war, and Madara - wielding his gunbai and not wearing a mask. What utter nonsense. Clearly the famed Copy Nin has lost his mind. Even so, he privately resolves to make sure his foolish little brother doesn't go running off to Orochimaru. His brother shouldn't be subjected to such a vile creature.

* * *

It is child's play to track down the Toad Sage and distract him with a buxom prostitute. It is even easier to find the jinchuuriki; his orange garb makes him extremely memorable, and even random passerby can point them in his general direction. 

Despite Kisame's desire to break down the door and abduct the boy, Itachi knocks politely on Naruto's door. His mother raised him better than to go around barging into other people's rooms.The poor fool opens it without a single thought.

"Hello, Naruto-kun."

The boy's eyes go wide, but he doesn't try to run or fight. Truly pathetic.

"ITACHI!!!!"

Ah. His brother is so very dependable.

He turns his head and says calmly, "I have no interest in you right now," knowing full well how those words will infuriate his little brother. Hmm...has his time with the Akatsuki made him more sadistic? No, of course not. Some things never get old, and teasing his little brother is one of them. That's all.

Sasuke's eyes grow wide, wide with the predicted rage and something more - hurt? Itachi feels a pang when he sees that, but reminds himself that this is all for Sasuke's own good. He has to be strong, because not even Itachi can predict what that psycho "Madara" is really up to. Besides, his plan is obviously working - Sasuke is now gathering enough lightning chakra in his hand that it's actually visible. If Itachi's not mistaken (and Itachi is  _never_  mistaken), that is the Chidori, classified as an A-rank assassination jutsu.

Yes, Itachi is a proud big brother.

...That doesn't stop him from breaking Sasuke's wrist, but that can't be helped. It's all part of the plan! Itachi has everything under control.

Having thus reassured himself, Itachi feels no qualms about kicking Sasuke down the hall and then pinning him to the wall.

"You are weak. Why are you weak? It is because..."

Originally, Itachi had planned to tell Sasuke that he was lacking hatred. He felt it was important to emphasize this, because his little brother was not a naturally angry or hateful person. It was likely that he needed a little reminder.

But in this moment, Itachi abruptly remembers the things he saw in Hatake's tortured mind, and he reconsiders.

"...you depend on others."

He rubs the seal on his brother's neck as he continues, "How will you ever grow strong if you simply rely on the power given to you by others? Do you really believe that Orochimaru can defeat me? Foolish otouto."

Still, Itachi does like his plans, so he uses Tsukuyomi on his little brother and is rather gratified to hear his screams of agony. This way, Sasuke will definitely become strong. Itachi lets his little brother slump to the ground and turns away, intent on returning to his original task, only to be flung backward with extreme force.

It is rare that someone manages to catch Itachi off guard. He quickly straightens without any change in expression; he does have a reputation to maintain. His eyebrow twitches when he sees that his opponent is just a little girl about his brother's age.

"Don't touch Sasuke, you sick freak!" the girl snarls.

"...and who are you?"

The girl pins him with a glare that would not have looked out of place on an Uchiha and spits, "My name is Uzumaki Hitomi. And Sasuke is  _mine_ , so if you touch him again I'll  **kill you.** "

Ah. He had assumed that the stories his mother told him about the extremely possessive Uzumaki were false, but perhaps not.

Their staring contest is interrupted by the extremely obnoxious voice of Jiraiya, and Itachi decides that this situation calls for a tactical retreat. "Kisame, we're leaving."

The bloodthirsty nin protests, "But - "

" _ **Now.**_ "

At least he can report that the Kyuubi jinchuuriki is an unskilled little fop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, uh....thoughts?


End file.
